I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
