dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
