SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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