that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
