marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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