you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
