It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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