I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
