Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
