how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
