9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
