Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize