you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
