i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
