He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
