Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
