i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
