How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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