I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
