I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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