i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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