I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
