Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
