Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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