I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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