She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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