Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
