just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
