Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
