Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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