Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize