matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
