at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
