I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize