This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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