I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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