The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
