I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
