A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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