alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
