Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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