it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
