I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
