Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
