marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
