Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize