Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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