How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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