she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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