We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize