You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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