No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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