it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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