I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
