i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
