The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
