its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
