we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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