Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
