On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize