I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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