I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I puked a lego.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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