Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
