I'm so fucking centered right now
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
