I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
