Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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