he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
