you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
