the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
