Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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